Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Breaking

Before, I blogged about two people. In a relationship, for 6 years.

Great for each other. Yet, something wasn't there. They wanted different things. She wanted a family, he didn't. Just, different end points. Understanding enough.

Sometimes, I think, you think you can change someone. You can change them to what you would like them to be. To a certain degree, you probably can, on very minor things.

Put that here instead of there.

Maybe, not so much, about having a family. That's a pretty big deal.

Last week, I received an email from her. 'Our News'. And, before opening the email I knew had a feeling what it was going to be about. A hunch.

She wrote, to tell everyone their decision. Taking a break, from each other. Hated to do over email, but thought it was the right thing to do and let everyone know.

Please know that [We] have no hard feelings towards each other - so no need to tip-toe around us (or feel that you have to "take sides") but you are important to us, and we wanted you to know.

That, I think, was something I had never seen before.

Just letting it all out.

I liked it.

Not for the situation, not for anything else but realizing that the best thing to do was to put everything out in the open. For everyone. Makes things easier.

Not only on them, I think, but for all of their friends. Their many mutual friends. Although this may not be the case in an 'ugly' break, I think that sometimes friends are often forgotten in a 'clean' one. A mutual one. Sometimes, they don't know if they should take sides. Because, nothing is out there but this and that. Nothing solid.

This, to me, shows [they] care about not only themselves, but the friends they have together.

9 comments:

OK Chick said...

Sorry to hear about your friends but maybe they will work things out. However I agree with you, having a family is a pretty big deal.

It's nice to see a couple take the mature routine when it comes to breaking up and mutual friends. Break ups can be hard on everyone, including mutual friends.

Len said...

Nice. When I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years, it was pretty complicated for our mutual friends, too. Because almost all the friends I had were his friends also and vice-versa. Also, it wasn't a neat break-up because we continued to sleep with each other on and off for 6 months after, so nobody knew when we were on for a fight or not. Maybe an explanation for the friends might have been useful. Although, there would have been a lot to explain that we didn't understand ourselves.

Ally said...

Very cool. A joint e-mail makes a lot of sense and avoids some awkward conversations and questions and whatnot. And it shows that they care about each other and their friends.

Side note: I tend to think dating for 6 years is just a bad idea at our age. I'd imagine it feels like a divorce.

LaiLani Ali said...

Before I broke up with my last boyfriend, I broke the news to a couple of our mutual friends so that they would be there for him. I knew he would need comfort and support, so I thought it was the right order. And I think our friends took the news harder than he did.

Elle Charlie said...

That's sad about the break, but I agree that it was a very caring thing to do to choose to tell everyone in that way. Obviously you mean a lot to them.

Aaron said...

You are powerless to change someone else. They must be willing to change themselves. (As you learned over 6 years.)

Le Meems said...

That is very cool and kind.
Thoughtful.

BUT.
but

At some point it won't be able to be clean, neat and categorized. Because see, feelings aren't clean, neat and categorized...

But for now it SOUNDS good. I tried something similar. But now its new boyfriends, new girlfriends, old friends, same get togethers, awkward awkward awkward.

jo said...

that is quite an interesting way to do it. but i suppose it's a good idea especially if you have a mutual group of friends so that they don't feel like uncomfy or that they have to take sides. but still it must be hard for 'em to hang out together even in a group.

Scotty said...

OK Chick - Very true, was nice they thought of everyone.

Len - Agree... you'd have to understand what was going on yourselves before you could communicate it with someone else.

Ally - I know! I had never seen/heard of one before this.

Lailani - No bueno to the last sentence.

Elle Charlie - Probably does say something about how caring they are.

Aaron - Good quote

Le Meems - I can see that, but at the same time can see the other side.

Jo - For sure, not sure how much hanging out there will be.